The Search For God
by Abs and Skittles
Summary: ONE-SHOT! God is missing, and nobody can seem to find him.


**A/N: Really, this was started spur of the moment. The fact that it's being posted is for the fun of it. If you wish for a translation of the names, contact either Melissa or Kaylah (links provided on the profile page). We both swear actual wrestlers are used (again, check out the profile).**

**Read and find out before you report, or the Sexy Army will hunt you down...**

**One-shot. Sequel possible, if desired.**

**Rated: T (just in case).**

**-**

**The Search For God**

"Hey, Jesus?" Angel called out. "Have you spoken to God lately? Dynamo hasn't heard from him in a while."

Jesus shook his head. "No, I haven't. Try asking Vicious. And aren't Dynamo, God and I all on the same brand?"

Angel nodded. "Yeah, but God went for a walk the other day and no one's seen him since. I figured I'd come over and talk to you. I've spoken to Vicious and Sugar; neither of them has seen him either."

"Goddamn it, God." Jesus sighed, shaking his head. "C'mon, let's get Fedora and Abs and go look for him."

"Alright, and maybe Demi-God should come along too. He can yell loud enough. Lucky for us it's a tri-branded show, huh?"

"Angel, man, Demi-God got drafted along with Equaliser." Jesus went and clapped his friend on the back. "Have you taken too many bumps to the head?"

Angel shook his head. "I... I don't think so. Maybe drinking a little too much last night didn't help."

"I thought maybe you were suffering a migraine from looking at Sparkles." Jesus laughed.

"That guy blinds anyone who comes within a ten foot radius of him." Angel commented. "But we don't mind all the time. If it means we don't have to look at Monkey, all the better for us!"

"The day Creative decided to let zoo animals into storylines was the day the WWE went wrong." Jesus sighed. "Stupid Monkey took my title and threw me into a harbour!"

"He did what?!" Angel laughed. "Well, I don't think he's forgiven you for the old days when you and Vixen were together."

"I'm surprised you have." Jesus laughed nervously, slapping Angel's arm.

"Well... I don't really know what to think." Angel murmured, more to himself than to Jesus. "But, hey, if God can forgive you I suppose I can. On that note, aren't we meant to be looking for him?"

"Looking for who?" Jesus asked, missing what Angel said having seen Sugar, Caffeine and Vicious walk past.

"Hey! Their faces are up a little higher." Angel laughed. "God, remember?"

Jesus nodded, running his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, right. Then what are waiting for? To the corporate jet!"

"Um, shouldn't we find Demi-God, Abs and Fedora? We need some help finding him."

"Right. I knew that." Jesus smirked, scanning the room. "Yo, Tumbleweed, Teddy Bear, go forth and seeketh the ones they call Abs and Fedora! Angel and I will find Demi-God!"

Tumbleweed and Teddy Bear both raised their eyebrows at Jesus' request but stood and left the room.

"Let's go, we need to find Demi-God!" Angel urged Jesus, pulling at his sleeve urgently. "We need to find God."

"Alright, we will, we will. Hold on to your panties." Jesus joked, running for the door.

Groaning, Angel followed Jesus, calling out for Demi-God as he went.

-

Abs stood in front of a mirror, posing in front of it. "Mirror mirror, on the wall. Who is the sexiest Superstar of them all?" He looked over at Fedora. "I'm sexiest, aren't I?"

"No, I don't think so." Fedora ran a hand through his spiked hair. "I mean, look at this face!"

"But look at this hair." Abs stated, as super slowmo wind blew through it. "And these abs. Go ahead, touch them. They'll make you as sexy as I am."

Fedora's eyes widened as he stood and ran his hand over Abs' abs. "Wow. I want me some of these."

"You will, Fedora. All have abs like these in the Palace of Wisdom." He nodded, lifting the sunglasses from his eyes. "You look like you're getting them already."

Fedora pulled his shirt over his head and looked down at his toned stomach. "Really? I can't see them... Well, they should be on their way, right? Right?"

"Of course." Abs nodded. "I sent God out to get them the other day."

"Awesome!" Fedora clapped. "I'm gonna be se-xy! I'm gonna be se-xy!"

Abs raised an eyebrow, before crossing his arms. "Dude, there is none of that cheering stuff in the Palace of Wisdom."

Fedora bit his lip and let his arms hang at his sides. "Oops. Sorry."

"That's okay. You are just learning the ways of the Tuesday Night Delight." Abs nodded, patting Fedora on the head.

Fedora smiled childishly and sat at Abs' feet, legs crossed and hands in his lap. "Tell me another story of the wonders of the Shaman of Sexy."

"Another time, Fedora, I will. I will share with you the wonders of being sexy. And then, my dear friend and pupil, you really will be, the Chick Magnet." Abs put an arm around Fedora's shoulders. "Imagine if you will... Abs and Fedora, Sexiest Men the WWE has to offer."

Fedora stared at Abs, wide-eyed. "Really? Could that really happen one day?"

"As soon as God gets back, it will happen." Abs smiled, before frowning and looking at the door. "Now where can that little rainbow muncher be?"

Fedora shrugged. "I don't kno-" He was cut off as the door suddenly swung open and Teddy Bear and Tumbleweed barged in.

"You're wanted." Teddy Bear announced.

"Yeah, and that's cool." Tumbleweed put in, taking a bite of his apple.

"Of course we're wanted." Abs smirked, nudging Fedora. "Now, point us in the direction of the Divas that so desperately want us."

Tumbleweed and Teddy Bear looked at each other then broke into laughter. "Sorry, but the long-haired duo that want you aren't divas."

"Eww. We do not go after guys in the Palace of Wisdom." Abs wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Yeah. Tell 'em we can't come." Fedora added, crossing his arms. "Who is it, anyway?"

"He doesn't look a thing like JEEEEESUS! But he talks like a gentleman, like you imagined when you... were YOOOOOOUUUNG!" Jesus sang out as he ran past the locker room before doubling back. "Hey, Angel, I found Abs and Fedora!"

Abs looked at Fedora in horror. "Oh good Lord. He used to be with Vixen?!"

"Um, yeah..." Fedora muttered, still in shock after Jesus' off-key singing.

Both Jesus and Angel ran into the room, Angel grabbing Fedora's hand and Jesus grabbing Abs, trying to pull them to their feet.

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, we need to find God!" Jesus cried, frantically pulling at Abs with both hands.

Abs's frown deepened. "What do you mean 'find God'? He's out getting Fedora his abs."

"He's getting Fedora his what?!" Angel cried, letting go of Fedora, who dropped heavily back onto the ground.

"His abs. You know: the nice, well-toned midsection that only people like me and Fedora have." Abs replied, managing to free himself from Jesus and help Fedora back up.

"And why the HELL would God be out getting them?" Angel asked, frowning. "Especially without telling me."

"Because we promised him Skittles." Abs smiled slyly, nodding.

Jesus walked up to Abs and smacked his head. "NO GIVING GOD SKITTLES!"

"Why not?" Fedora asked, looking confused. "He loves them."

"Because he goes crazy!" Jesus looked at Angel. "Dude, we might need more help than we thought."

Angel nodded. "Who else would we ask? We've got these two, and Demi-God should be around here somewhere." He turned to Abs and Fedora. "Have you two seen Marvel and Inferno around anywhere?"

"Maybe." Abs shrugged. "Last I saw of them, Dynamo was complaining to them about Rug."

"Dynamo is always complaining about Rug." Angel groaned. "Hey, Jesus? He could help. Where were they?"

"Out in the parking lot." Abs replied.

Jesus grabbed Angel's sleeve and yanked him towards the door. "Awesomeness!"

"Help me!" Angel called to Abs and Fedora as he scrambled to grab the doorframe. They laughed as he lost his grip and was pulled away by Jesus.

"After them!" Abs shouted, running after the duo, hoping that Fedora, Teddy Bear and Tumbleweed would follow. The other three sat and laughed as Abs ran out of the room, head held high and hand out in front of him.

-

Dr Smoothe and Scruffy watched Abs run, snickering behind their hands.

"Dude, how whack was that?" Dr Smoothe asked, shaking his head of luscious blonde hair.

"I think he's lost his mind." Scruffy commented. "Should we go get some help? I think he needs it."

"Let's. Please." Dr Smoothe agreed, gesturing towards the ramp for the ring. "I think I heard Demi-God out there when we walked past. He could always help. And I think Sugar, Caffeine and Vicious were out there helping him."

Scruffy laughed. "Sugar, Caffeine and Vicious will get Abs back here, quick smart, believe me."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Dr Smoothe asked, headed towards the ramp. Looking up, he smiled. "For old time's sake?"

"Where are our masks when we want them?" Scruffy asked, before pausing and smiling. He put his hand in his back pockets and pulled out two gold facemasks. "I keep them there for good luck."

Dr Smoothe smiled, taking one. "Dude, you rock."

"I know." He turned to one of the crew who were scrambling around. "Hit the music!"

The crew member gave a nod, before turning on the music. Dr Smoothe pulled on his mask before jumping through the curtains behind Scruffy.

Both men ran towards the ring, Scruffy calling "DEEEEEMI-GOOOODDDDD!" as he went.

The blonde in the ring paused, before jumping backwards to avoid being hit by Dr. Smoothe and Scruffy who were sliding into the ring. Dr Smoothe expertly got to his feet, pulling off his own mask.

"Hey, D-God, we need your help with something."

"Why should DEEEEEEMMMMMIIIIIIIII-GOOOOOOODDDDD..." There was a pause. "...GOD! Help you?" He asked, hands on his hips.

Dr Smoothe moved closer to Scruffy. "Scruff, do we tell him that Caffeine has a crush on him? Could that make him want to do it more?" He whispered.

Scruffy nodded. "It could. Whatever will get him to help."

"Good." Dr Smoothe turned and saw Caffeine chatting with Sugar and Vicious, before he looked back at Demi-God. "Kay, here's what we have to offer. See Caffeine over there?"

Demi-God nodded. "Yup. I see Caffeine. So?"

"What if we told you she has a major thing for loudmouth platinum blondes from Wisconsin?" Dr Smoothe smirked, wagging his eyebrows.

"Are you serious?" Demi-God attempted to run his hands through his lack of hair in a very Jesus-like fashion. "I mean, who wouldn't. But, still... Caffeine. Are you serious?"

Scruffy and Dr Smoothe nodded simultaneously. "Dead serious. And I'm sure if you help us, she'll find you even more attractive."

"What do you need me to do?" Demi-God asked quickly, eyeing Caffeine.

'Thought so.' Dr Smoothe thought before replying. "We think Abs lost his mind, and need your skills to help find it."

"How can I find his mind?" Demi-God asked, looking puzzled. "Is it even possible? I always knew that guy was wacko."

"I know." Scruffy stated with a sigh. "Maybe it's just sleeping though, and needs to be woken up?"

"And how, pray tell, do you suppose we do that?" Demi-God asked, not convinced. "How am I supposed to wake it up?"

"Well, you are the Master of the Mic." Dr Smoothe complimented, sliding through the bottom ropes towards the announce table. He picked up a mic and tossed it at Demi-God.

Demi-God caught it and looked at it strangely. "What am I meant to do? Call its name or something?"

Dr Smoothe shrugged, climbing back into the ring. "Yell into Abs's ear or something. I don't know. I don't use a mic very often."

Demi-God nodded. "Well, where is Abs? If I wanna yell into his ear, I kind of need his ear where I can yell into it."

"Follow us!" Dr Smoothe shouted, pulling Scruffy by his shirt. "He went towards the parking lot!"

"Alright, let's go then." Demi-God said, following Dr Smoothe and Scruffy up the ramp and backstage.

-

"I founded them!" Jesus shouted as he burst through the door to the parking lot, narrowly missing Inferno with it.

"Watch where you're going!" Inferno muttered angrily. "You'll knock someone out one of these days!"

Jesus paled, stepping away from the seven foot monster. "Sorry dude. Didn't see you there."

Inferno nodded. "Like that's possible when I tower over you." He stepped closer to Jesus. "Why are you in such a rush anyway?"

Jesus gulped, grabbing Angel and using him as a protective shield. "We, uh, we're looking for God, and were hoping... um... that you and Marvel could help."

"Hey, man, let me go!" Angel struggled to get out of Jesus' grip. Inferno laughed at the two men, cowering like children who had done something wrong.

Marvel and Dynamo walked up to the three of them. "Hey, esse, what's happening?" Marvel asked.

Both Angel and Jesus stepped behind the newcomers. This only made Inferno laugh harder as they were both short, making it hard for Angel and Jesus to hide properly.

"Jesus, man, have some dignity, holmes." Marvel laughed, stepping over beside Inferno. "What's going on anyway?"

"We can't find God." Jesus muttered, not looking at Inferno. "We were wondering if you two could, maybe, if you're not busy, help us? Dynamo can help too, if he wants."

Inferno nodded, looking down at Marvel and Dynamo. "Sounds fun." Marvel nodded as well. Yeah, let's do it."

"Great!" Jesus looked at Angel. "We better head off then. Howsabout we split up? Inferno and Marvel can go to catering and have a look around. Angel and I can check out the locker rooms. Dynamo can go with either one of us."

"I think you two need the help more than Inferno and Marvel." Dynamo laughed before managing to get hit in the face by the door, which Abs had recklessly swung open.

"Ta-Dum!"

Inferno grabbed Abs' arm as he ran past, arm still out in front of him like Superman. "Dude, what's up with you?" He asked as Abs struggled against him.

"I'm on a quest." Abs stated, turning on his accent from the Dirt Sheet before last. "I'm hunting the super rare rainbow munching Enigma."

Dynamo rubbed his face where the door hit him. "Good." He muttered angrily. "So are we. And I'm NOT being paired up with you." He stuck his tongue out childishly at Abs.

"S'okay mate. I'll team up with my trusted sidekick Fedora." Abs looked back at the door, expecting Fedora, Teddy Bear and Tumbleweed to come out after him. "Fedora? Fedora, mate, talk to me! FEEEEDOOOORAAAA!!"

Angel looked at the others, eyebrows raised. "I think he needs help."

Dr Smoothe and Scruffy launched themselves from the doorway, tackling Abs to the ground. "DEMI-GOD, WE GOT HIM!"

Jesus looked around him, confused. "What the hell is going on?!"

Dr Smoothe and Scruffy pulled themselves to their feet, along with the struggling Abs. "Well we figured that, hypothetically, the light was on in this guy but no-one was home." Scruffy explained, tightening his grip on Abs' arm.

Inferno let out a deep laugh, startling a few people. "In case you two haven't noticed, we're all like that."

"Well, maybe Demi-God can help you guys too!" Dr Smoothe suggested, the smile on his face growing.

"Help with what?" Demi-God asked, finally walking out the door, a bit winded after chasing Scruffy and Dr Smoothe through the hallways. "I can help, because I'm DEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMIIIIIIIIIII-GOOOOOOOD!!" He yelled into the mic, his head thrown back. After a pause: "GOOOOOOOOOOD!"

Everyone else in the hall dropped to their knees, covering their ears with their hands. "Dude, why the hell do you have to do that?" Jesus asked, being the furthest away from Demi-God and the first to recover his hearing.

God came out the door, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "Somebody call me?"

Everyone, slowly standing up, stared at him. "Where have you been? Angel asked, running towards his brother and pulling him into a hug.

"Sleeping." God replied, stretching. He looked around, trying to grasp his bearings. "Dude, didn't Sparkles tell you?"

"None of us go near Sparkles, man, you know that." Jesus spoke up. "We like our eyesight the way it is. Actually, we like our hearing, too." He added, glaring at Demi-God.

Abs pulled off his sunglasses, brushing his hair back from his face. "So that's what Sparkles was talking about..."

Everyone turned to look at him. "Abs..." Angel started. "You are so damn dead."

"Get him!" Jesus, Angel, Dynamo and Demi-God shouted, leading the chase, Inferno, Marvel, Scruffy and Dr Smoothe following after.

Eyes wide, Abs dived through the door, everyone else following him.

Jesus walked back into the building, crossing his arms as he watched the Abs Hunt, with Fedora, Teddy Bear and Tumbleweed joining him, Tumbleweed with a new apple. "Now dat... dat's cool."


End file.
